I’m not at GDC.
That’s not particularly news, since I’ve missed many GDCs since becoming a game developer. But seeing my Twitter-stream blow up with GDC tweets is always a bit depressing not because I am missing sessions (80% of which are just total garbage), but because I’m missing spending time with the people that make me feel like I can self-identify as a game developer. Since the launch of Sudoku Together, I’ve worked on a couple things for Sky Parlor that may or may not ever be released, did some other consulting things, and made a Corrypt-inspired puzzle game by myself that also may never be released due to lack of confidence.
I feel the need to learn a new tool like Unity or GameMaker, but deep down I wonder if that is because I want to leverage something to make new things or because if I am learning something new, then I can rationalize why I’m not making something (just not good enough with the tool yet!)
I used to do a blog post every day or every other day. I’d take what was happening in the world of games and try to relate it to my experience. But lately, I’ve been completely unable to do that. Everything I find just puts me off working on games. What is there to be excited about?
I teach by day and it’s a great job, but it does take a lot of work and 75% of students don’t actually want to design games, they just want to be a game designer.
I don’t want to be like that.
I have a lot of game design-related things to say, but feel like a phony saying them in a non-student setting anymore. I look at the sessions listing at GDC and know with utmost certainty that 90% of them can be distilled down to a blog post. Danc’s made Triple Town and Leap Day, so I think he’s qualified to write articles like this. When I look at my Scrivener, I’ve written almost 100,000 words on game design in the last year. Some of them ended up in this book, but most I just co-opted to use internally in my game design classes.
So I guess what I’m saying is that I need some rah-rah time. I haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth; I’ve just been working a lot on some unseen things.