5:49pm - Enter classroom take seat against back wall. Pros: AC connection for laptop. Cons: Instructor speaks soft and slightly-broken English. Pro: He reads all of his slides to us anyway, so I really don’t need to hear him.

5:57pm - Classmates discussing whether the “attendance will be monitored” on the syllabus is enforceable or not. Current Diet Coke Level: Sufficient

6:06pm - Professor hurries in. Asks if anyone did the homework problem. No one did because he didn’t assign one. He is surprised and shocked.

6;14pm - He’s ended roughly six hundred sentences with “…, right?” or “…, you know?” just to mix it up when reading off his Powerpoint slides.

6:25pm - Actually counted the “you know”s per sentence. In my sample - 0.75 per sentence. This is a Key Financial Ratio.

6:28pm - He is now doing the inverse of the reading Powerpoints technique - he is writing what he says verbatim on the blackboard. Side note: we still use blackboards?

6:37pm - He will give us the formulas on the exam? Now he’s just playing Good Cop.

7:17pm - May have blacked out for the last forty minutes.

7:20pm - My favorite use of numbers is cases where they are strictly for the presentation of false precision. Welcome to the MBA program.

7:39pm - The vocal majority of this class doesn’t understand the basics of stocks. Actual question: “How does the stock market make money? Do they collect the earnings from the companies?” I’m pretty sure they are targeting these folks for pyramid schemes. Or Amway.

7:44pm - THIS IS NOT A CLINIC ON HOW TO MAKE MONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET, PEOPLE. However, I do welcome the lack of reading from Powerpoint slides.

8:00pm - From the intricacies of the stock market to the arithmetic order of operations. Multiply before you add? Slow down, Speed Racer, I’m getting whiplash.

8:31pm - Prof: “Don’t blame me, I didn’t design the program.”

8:49pm - Spent roughly the last fifteen minutes looking for clever domain names on godaddy.com.

8:58pm - I didn’t buy the $40 calculator yet so I cannot participate in this portion of the class. Operating said calculator is challenging the class moreso than the earlier stock discussion. Current Diet Coke Level: Troubling.

9:04pm - Rules of class have broken down into solliquies on how to use a calculator. I begin to fear for my safety. I file a Last Will and Testament online.

9:13pm - NATO troops come in and break up class. I’m done.