5:49pm – Enter classroom take seat against back wall. Pros: AC connection for laptop. Cons: Instructor speaks soft and slightly-broken English. Pro: He reads all of his slides to us anyway, so I really don’t need to hear him.
5:57pm – Classmates discussing whether the “attendance will be monitored” on the syllabus is enforceable or not. Current Diet Coke Level: Sufficient
6:06pm – Professor hurries in. Asks if anyone did the homework problem. No one did because he didn’t assign one. He is surprised and shocked.
6;14pm – He’s ended roughly six hundred sentences with “…, right?” or “…, you know?” just to mix it up when reading off his Powerpoint slides.
6:25pm – Actually counted the “you know”s per sentence. In my sample – 0.75 per sentence. This is a Key Financial Ratio.
6:28pm – He is now doing the inverse of the reading Powerpoints technique – he is writing what he says verbatim on the blackboard. Side note: we still use blackboards?
6:37pm – He will give us the formulas on the exam? Now he’s just playing Good Cop.
7:17pm – May have blacked out for the last forty minutes.
7:20pm – My favorite use of numbers is cases where they are strictly for the presentation of false precision. Welcome to the MBA program.
7:39pm – The vocal majority of this class doesn’t understand the basics of stocks. Actual question: “How does the stock market make money? Do they collect the earnings from the companies?” I’m pretty sure they are targeting these folks for pyramid schemes. Or Amway.
7:44pm – THIS IS NOT A CLINIC ON HOW TO MAKE MONEY IN THE STOCK MARKET, PEOPLE. However, I do welcome the lack of reading from Powerpoint slides.
8:00pm – From the intricacies of the stock market to the arithmetic order of operations. Multiply before you add? Slow down, Speed Racer, I’m getting whiplash.
8:31pm – Prof: “Don’t blame me, I didn’t design the program.”
8:49pm – Spent roughly the last fifteen minutes looking for clever domain names on godaddy.com.
8:58pm – I didn’t buy the $40 calculator yet so I cannot participate in this portion of the class. Operating said calculator is challenging the class moreso than the earlier stock discussion. Current Diet Coke Level: Troubling.
9:04pm – Rules of class have broken down into solliquies on how to use a calculator. I begin to fear for my safety. I file a Last Will and Testament online.
9:13pm – NATO troops come in and break up class. I’m done.