To vote Obama, Text ONE to 9VOTE


My sticker. Give me my chicken sandwich.

So I voted earlier today. Woo. ::twirls finger in air:: There was a very short line, contrary to early voting reports. So if you feel that it is worth your time, don’t let the spectre of long lines stop you.

Things I don’t understand:

  • The nonstop plastering of the VOTE VOTE VOTE NO MATTER WHAT people. VOTE VOTE VOTE. IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE ISSUES! JUST PULL THE LEVER! IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT YOU GET ALL YOUR NEWS FROM COMEDY CENTRAL, JUST FILL IN THE OVALS. GO! GO! GO! I’d rather only the people who do the requisite research and care enough to wake up in the morning actually come out to vote. I’ve worked in customer-facing jobs. I know how rock-stupid and gullible the general populace is. Not that I am some epic genius, but I did some basic googling on the ballot measures.
  • I moved in September, so I’m voting at a new location. In this location, there were two sets of registration tables. “Ok,” I reasoned, “This is to make the lines go faster.” So I waited in one line only to find out at the front that each table was a separate precinct and that I was in the wrong line. Thank God lines were not as ludicrous as reported because I had a double wait.
  • I don’t understand why my ballot said “Fill in one oval for President/Vice President.” That’s misleading. It should say: “Fill in one oval to see who’s in charge of fucking you in the ass for the next four years.”

Carnegie Mellon students have it right. In every student election, Optimus Prime gets in at least the top five. Students scan the full results not to see who won, but to see who came up with the funniest write-in candidates. They realized that government is a farce and they made the best of it.

There HAVE been some pretty funny tweets out there from the people I follow, particularly @badbanana:

He’s extremely white. Was shot down behind enemy lines. And can’t lift his arms above his head. Good lord, John McCain is Snoopy.

Under Obama’s plan, taxes will be raised on trick-or-treaters earning more than two and a half 100 Grand Bars.

I hope Obama’s plan will spread the apple butter around. That stuff is goooood.

I want Joe the Plumber to get to the princess.

So at least whoever loses, we know that comedy wins.

1 Comment

  1. Actually studies have shown that the average “Daily Show” watcher is more informed on the issues than the population at large. Though maybe that’s just because on average they do more research, meaning they don’t get ALL of their news from The Daily Show.

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